Release, babies, what now, what next
I haven't posted recently because I wrote a really awesome post a few days ago that was lost into the sewers of the internet. The blogger website was not working and I could not recover my blog/post. it was a good one too. poo. hence I was a bit miffed and was punishing my blog for being so unreliable.
am back now though.
I have a very interesting relationship with my kung fu teacher, who is really more than just a kung fu teacher: he's a bit of a guru for some of us, someone who can teach us many things about many subjects. he's a master of the physical arts and of the mind as well. it's interesting because people who meet him are a bit puzzled at first, and his normal behavior would not make one think so much that he is a master at anything. he quotes movies like a recording (something we share and that bonds us a bit), he yells, he's overweight, he's not all serene and mr. miyagi-ish (spelling?). he has a very clear sense of right and wrong, only sugar coats with certain people (people he isn't trying to teach anything), he has a bit of a weirdness with women (because his mom was crazy), and his brain soaks up information like nothing I have ever seen. when I started I was just learning the physical arts from him, and was led astray a bit by my previous instructors (his students) who colored my perception of him in an intensely negative fashion. they have since left the system, leaving me like martial arts floatsam behind, to figure things out for myself. it took a lot of work on my part to warm up to him. I have a problem with authoritative figures (to be traced back to my own father) and projected a lot of personal image and self-worth issues onto his interactions with me. interesting stuff.
finally though, I worked through it. even though he still scared the bejeezus out of me I went calling him and knocking on his door to be taught. I am developing the ability to act more on my rational mind as opposed to my emotional mind. this effort is leading me to learn tremendous amounts from my current teacher, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I am buying a house at 24, I am excelling at my job and in my field... all things I might have otherwise shyed away from because they scared me.
But, as always, all is not necessarily hunky dory from one day to the next. I still have major issues and the work is only just starting for my mind. the way that I see it, if I think things are going well now, as I feel better than I probably ever have, just imagine how thing will be a year from now.
The little lady (the boyfriend) and I have been talking kids. I say, gimme twins so I can pop two kids out at once and be done with it. and then I can have .1 more kids and be totally average.
but when do I have the little larvae...now, or after grad school? during grad school? do we get married first (I vote for married, then kids)? that would mean we would get married soon. me, get married?? fucking scary. these concepts that a year ago were completely foreign (as in "maybe I'll get married someday") are now seriously swirling around my mind.
I guess everyone experiences this and many make the decision to just take the leap and start a family. jump into that mirage that could be an oasis or just dry sand with no water in site. I think my chances of oasis are better than others, but who knows? remember the days when I was wearing big pants, clockwork orange shirts, headbands and worked at hot topic? smoking weed and getting body piercings? those times seem so recent. and now I wear business casual and am buying houses and talking marriage?? and am learning to be a kung fu master?
that's it, I'm out.
H
am back now though.
I have a very interesting relationship with my kung fu teacher, who is really more than just a kung fu teacher: he's a bit of a guru for some of us, someone who can teach us many things about many subjects. he's a master of the physical arts and of the mind as well. it's interesting because people who meet him are a bit puzzled at first, and his normal behavior would not make one think so much that he is a master at anything. he quotes movies like a recording (something we share and that bonds us a bit), he yells, he's overweight, he's not all serene and mr. miyagi-ish (spelling?). he has a very clear sense of right and wrong, only sugar coats with certain people (people he isn't trying to teach anything), he has a bit of a weirdness with women (because his mom was crazy), and his brain soaks up information like nothing I have ever seen. when I started I was just learning the physical arts from him, and was led astray a bit by my previous instructors (his students) who colored my perception of him in an intensely negative fashion. they have since left the system, leaving me like martial arts floatsam behind, to figure things out for myself. it took a lot of work on my part to warm up to him. I have a problem with authoritative figures (to be traced back to my own father) and projected a lot of personal image and self-worth issues onto his interactions with me. interesting stuff.
finally though, I worked through it. even though he still scared the bejeezus out of me I went calling him and knocking on his door to be taught. I am developing the ability to act more on my rational mind as opposed to my emotional mind. this effort is leading me to learn tremendous amounts from my current teacher, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I am buying a house at 24, I am excelling at my job and in my field... all things I might have otherwise shyed away from because they scared me.
But, as always, all is not necessarily hunky dory from one day to the next. I still have major issues and the work is only just starting for my mind. the way that I see it, if I think things are going well now, as I feel better than I probably ever have, just imagine how thing will be a year from now.
The little lady (the boyfriend) and I have been talking kids. I say, gimme twins so I can pop two kids out at once and be done with it. and then I can have .1 more kids and be totally average.
but when do I have the little larvae...now, or after grad school? during grad school? do we get married first (I vote for married, then kids)? that would mean we would get married soon. me, get married?? fucking scary. these concepts that a year ago were completely foreign (as in "maybe I'll get married someday") are now seriously swirling around my mind.
I guess everyone experiences this and many make the decision to just take the leap and start a family. jump into that mirage that could be an oasis or just dry sand with no water in site. I think my chances of oasis are better than others, but who knows? remember the days when I was wearing big pants, clockwork orange shirts, headbands and worked at hot topic? smoking weed and getting body piercings? those times seem so recent. and now I wear business casual and am buying houses and talking marriage?? and am learning to be a kung fu master?
that's it, I'm out.
H
posted by H at 12:42 PM
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